


At the End of One's Nose

by shoebox_addict



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, M/M, The Marauders in the 1980s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 18:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13464048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoebox_addict/pseuds/shoebox_addict
Summary: Sometimes you can't see what's at the end of your own nose.Originally posted in the R/S small_gifts community on Dreamwidth.





	At the End of One's Nose

Remus looked at his watch again and pondered how much of his life had been spent waiting for Sirius Black. At Hogwarts there had been less waiting because he, Sirius, James, and Peter had all moved in a pack on most occasions. But there had still been times when Sirius had promised to do something with Remus, or he knew he had a class at eight o’clock, and he was always at least fifteen minutes late. One thing could be said for Sirius, however -- he was never late for an occasion that included dung bombs and Severus Snape.

Spending time with one of your best friends on a Saturday evening, apparently, was not on the same level as dung bomb-related prank sessions. 

Remus was standing outside a London gay bar, from which emanated the sound of “La Isla Bonita” by Madonna. Remus liked this song, and he’d very much like to be dancing to it right now, under hot lights and surrounded by men. But he didn’t want to go in without Sirius, because they’d made an arrangement to meet up outside. He, unlike Sirius, honored arrangements made with friends. 

It was now twenty minutes past the agreed-upon meeting time. A new record! Remus tugged the sleeve of his jacket back down over his watch and looked up and down the street. He valued punctuality, of course, but the real reason he was angry was that he enjoyed these evenings with Sirius. They brought back some of the camaraderie they’d all enjoyed at Hogwarts. Now that everyone was grown up, it seemed that they had scattered to the winds. James and Lily were busy raising Harry, and Peter had some job at the Ministry that was boring to everyone but him. It was difficult for them all to get together at one time, in one place.

Being the two unattached members of their little group, Remus and Sirius spent the most time with each other. Of course things were different now. But getting together with Sirius on a Saturday night rekindled the feelings of belonging and boyhood friendship that Remus had so enjoyed at Hogwarts. Come Monday, Sirius would go back to breaking curses and Remus would settle down with a new magical textbook that required copyediting. But Saturday was just for them. 

As he stood on the street, feeling like a fool, Remus glanced down the line of men waiting to be let into the bar. All of them were attractive and made Remus feel self-conscious about his skinny frame and the scars on his face. Many of the men were visibly coupled up, hanging on each other and kissing in public. As Remus watched, one man pushed a strand of hair off another man’s face. Remus looked away from the tender gesture, feeling as though he was intruding. 

When Remus began developing an interest in men, he suddenly felt as though he had two strikes against him -- he was gay and he was a werewolf. Those two facts seemed to solidify, in his mind, the belief that he’d never have a happy, committed relationship like the one he’d seen his parents have. The werewolf thing still felt insurmountable, but now he felt like like he could potentially find a nice young man to settle down with. So why hadn’t he yet? What was wrong with him? What was holding him back?

“Hey, I’m here. I’m here. Sorry, I know how much you hate lateness.”

Remus turned away from the line into the club and found his best friend, Sirius Black, standing next to him on the pavement. Roughly fifteen minutes earlier, Remus had resolved to greet Sirius with icy annoyance, but it was difficult to maintain that facade when Sirius looked so damn good. He was wearing a pair of skin-tight jeans to go with his skin-tight, white t-shirt. The ensemble was topped off by a worn leather jacket, and it was proof that less was more. 

Remus crossed his arms over his chest. “I see that getting ready isn’t what delayed you.”

“I beg your pardon?” said Sirius, looking wounded. “The ensemble may seem simple, but please note the eyeliner.”

Remus leaned in reluctantly to inspect Sirius’ eyes. He had, indeed, drawn on perfect eyeliner that would have put David Bowie to shame. Though he was impressed, Remus rolled his eyes.

“Okay,” he said. “Look, all that I ask is that you stick to the time we agreed upon.”

“I don’t see why it matters,” said Sirius. “I’m here now, let’s just get in there and enjoy ourselves.”

Remus remained rooted to the spot. “We’ve missed ‘La Isla Bonita.’ I can’t believe you made me miss Madonna.”

“You didn’t miss it, you heard it from out here. You should have done a little shimmy on the pavement for the boys waiting in line,” said Sirius. “Now come on, let’s go.”

“Oh, this is rich. You’re in a hurry now after you dragged your feet getting here.”

“I’m sorry I don’t share your inner clock, telling you when you need be anywhere at all times,” said Sirius. Now Remus’ annoyance was rubbing off on him. “I already apologized, so can we just get in there and dance?”

Remus said nothing but moved to the end of the line. Sirius followed, employing his patented strut past the men already waiting in line. Several of them eyed him up, and Remus already knew he’d spend the evening as a third wheel to Sirius and someone who wanted to shag him. It was a time-honored tradition, so why stop now? 

“You know, being late is very selfish. I just wish you’d think about the person waiting for you.”

“I think you’re afraid that if you’re not on time for everything, people won’t like you,” said Sirius, tossing his head so that his shaggy black hair fell artfully across his eyes.

Remus frowned. He supposed that somewhere, deep down, that was true, but he’d rather die than admit it to Sirius. “By contrast, everyone loves you no matter how late you arrive. Is that it?”

Sirius paused to consider this, then smirked at Remus. “I’m just saying, look at the evidence.”

Remus bristled and stood next to Sirius in line, feeling like a cheaper cut of meat next to a steak. He knew that if he voiced this self-doubt, Sirius would quickly dismiss it all, telling Remus to perish the thought, but Remus knew this was just him being polite.

The line moved slowly, and as they inched toward the door, more and more men caught sight of Sirius and his effortless appearance. Several winked at him, others held their thumb and forefinger up to their face in a gesture that, according to Lily, meant “ring me up.” Remus tried to ignore all of this, but then a man actually held up his hand, on which he’d written his telephone number. This was the straw that broke Remus’ back. 

“Okay,” he said, ducking under the rope that cordoned off the line to the club. “I think I should just go.”

“What?” said Sirius, looking bemused. “Why? Is this because I was late? I said I was sorry. Look, don’t go, I’m honestly just rubbish at being places on time. It has nothing to do with you.”

Remus held up his hand to stop him. “Please. I’m just suddenly not in the mood. Enjoy yourself, though.”

Sirius stared him down with a plaintive look in his eye. Remus waited for him to tell him to stay, but instead Sirius’ expression hardened. “Fine, go.”

Remus jammed his hands deep into the pockets of his wool overcoat and stomped away across the pavement. He didn’t even know why he’d agreed to spend the evening with Sirius anyway. He should have gone to the club on his own and actually made an effort to find a boyfriend.

By the following weekend, Remus’ resolve had completely melted away. Sirius sent him an owl on Wednesday to apologize for his lateness, and for being so attractive to other men. In spite of himself, Remus laughed at that and sent back an owl inviting Sirius to dinner. They spent Saturday night in Remus’ flat, eating an Indian takeaway and listening to the Muggle wireless. When “La Isla Bonita” came on, Sirius dropped his food and offered Remus his hand. Though he rolled his eyes, Remus was thrilled to dance with him there, in his living room.

****************************

Though he enjoyed the times they could all together together as a group, Remus was often willing to settle for one-on-one get-togethers with his old friends. It was lucky that the publisher he worked for had an office near the Ministry of Magic. If he was in town to pick up or drop off a manuscript, he always made a point of making a lunch date with whomever was free.

Several weeks after the night when he’d argued with Sirius at the club, he arranged to have lunch with Peter. His musings about romantic attachments were still on his mind, and Peter seemed to be the only one he could talk to about it. Talking to Sirius was out of the question. If he talked to James, anything he said would make it back to Sirius somehow. He could talk to Lily, but she was too busy with a research project for the Department of Mysteries -- top secret, of course.

Remus and Peter met at a small cafe just down the road from the clandestine entry to the Ministry of Magic. They greeted each other with a hug and began catching up as soon as they’d ordered. 

“How’s Martha?” said Remus. “Congratulations on one year, by the way.”

“Thanks,” said Peter, smiling into his teacup. “She’s doing well. Erm, we’re thinking of moving out of the flat and getting a house.”

“God, that’s exciting,” said Remus. “I wish you the best of luck in the real estate game.”

“I appreciate that, because I think we’ll need it,” said Peter.

“Remind me how you met Martha,” said Remus, taking a sip of his tea. 

Peter smiled fondly. “Well, people say you’ll never meet a soulmate in a pub, but we were both in the Leaky Cauldron one evening. I saw her across the pub, and I recognized her from Hogwarts. We just started talking and eventually, I think I’ve told you this, she actually asked me out on a date.”

Remus nodded, touched by the clear look of love on Peter’s face as he told this story. “Did you approach her first? In the pub?”

“Yup,” said Peter. “She was sitting alone, so I figured I’d take my chances.”

“Hmm, yes, she was alone,” said Remus, stroking his chin. “Peter, we’ve been friends for a long time now. I want you tell me honestly -- why do you think I haven’t been romantically successful?”

Peter nearly choked on his tea. He was saved from having to respond right away by the arrival of their lunch. Peter took his time positioning the different components of his sandwich so that they were just right. Remus took a bite of his own sandwich, watching him bemusedly.

Finally, Peter said, “Well, I mean, you didn’t even know you liked blokes until just before we left Hogwarts.”

“True, true,” said Remus. 

“And then I suppose you needed time to find your legs,” said Peter. 

“Fair enough.”

“And then there’s the books.”

Remus paused. “The books?”

“Yeah, the books. It’s just...sometimes it seems like you care more about books than you care about dating or any of that nonsense.”

“I suppose...I care about them equally,” said Remus. “I mean, if I had to...it’s the books. I’d choose the books. But, listen, I wouldn’t mind having someone special to come home to at night, do you know what I mean?”

“Of course,” said Peter. “Being married to Martha has definitely made my life better. Erm, I will say there’s one other thing.”

Remus set down his sandwich and leaned forward. “Yes? Go on.”

Peter cleared his throat and leaned in to meet Remus in the middle, as though he was telling him a secret. “You’re always with Sirius when you go out to the club, right?”

“Yes,” said Remus. He was expecting more, but Peter just gave him a significant look and sat back in his chair. Remus stared down at his plate, and then back up at Peter. “You don’t think...certainly not. I mean, how could people possibly think…? No.”

“I’m just saying that if Martha had been sitting with some bloke at the pub that night, I wouldn’t have approached her,” said Peter. “I know that would be making an assumption, but those assumptions save you from embarrassment. Believe me, I’ve learned the hard way to make those assumptions.”

Remus leaned into the table again. “So you’re...you’re saying that people at the club think I’m with Sirius? They...they think I’m off the market?”

Peter shrugged. “I’m just saying what it might look like.”

This was an explanation that had literally never occurred to Remus. He went to the club with Sirius because he was one of his oldest friends and he enjoyed spending time with him. Couldn’t people read the innocence of the association in their body language? Then something occurred to him and he looked up at Peter again. 

“If that’s the case, then why do people still approach Sirius while he’s with me?”

Peter squirmed in his chair and then squinted at the ceiling, searching for an answer. Remus smirked at his discomfort, realizing that he’d asked him a trick question. 

“All right,” he said. “Don’t hurt yourself. Clearly I’m not a threat. I don’t know why I’ve never seen this before. Of course people must think that I’m not interested in anyone else if I’ve supposedly landed Sirius. I mean, you know, I don’t see him that way, and you might not see him that way, but everyone else does.”

“Oh, I see him that way,” said Peter. “I’m roughly 99.9 percent heterosexual, but Sirius Black is a very beautiful man.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Do me a favor. Don’t ever tell him that. If Sirius thinks he has the power to turn straight men, he’ll be unstoppable and insufferable.”

****************************

That afternoon, Remus found himself completely unable to work on the manuscript he’d picked up at the publisher. He marveled at his own stupidity -- how had he not known that being around Sirius scared off other men? Now he examined all of their times at the club, wondering if someone had been eyeing him while he was making sarcastic comments to Sirius. Perhaps it had been that way since Hogwarts. How many people assumed he was with Sirius?

Something else stood out from his conversation with Peter. Why should he wait around and play the role of Martha? Why couldn’t he be Peter, the one to make the first approach? Perhaps if he showed interest, someone would show interest in him as well.

The following weekend, Remus resolved to do something he had never done before -- go to a club alone. Even when Sirius was late, he’d never gone into a club on his own. He’d never been sure why, but now he thought he might have been treating Sirius like a security blanket. It would have been easy to continue in that vein; after all, he enjoyed spending time with Sirius. But if he ever wanted to have something like James and Lily or Peter and Martha had, he would need to take a chance and go out solo.

So, on Saturday night, Remus did not call Sirius, as he typically did. Instead, he took his time primping and getting ready for a night out. He didn’t have any outlandishly cool clothes, as Sirius did, and he was absolutely pants at makeup, so he stuck to his strengths. He wore his nicest pair of blue trousers and his light brown shirt, which Sirius said made his eyes “pop.” He used the barest amount of hair gel to style his hair, and surveyed himself in the mirror.

“It could be worse,” he told his reflection. “You could actually be dating Sirius.”

He laughed at himself in the mirror but was surprised to find that he didn’t actually think that was funny. Would it be so bad to be dating Sirius? 

That unsettling thought was interrupted by his telephone ringing. Two years earlier, Remus had broken down and purchased a telephone. James and Lily had gotten one first, mainly because they sometimes needed to communicate with Harry’s school. Lily insisted that Harry attend a Muggle school until he received his Hogwarts letter, as she had done. James wasn’t ecstatic about the school or the phone, but then he saw how much Harry enjoyed his school, and the phone was sort of lumped in with that. 

After that, Peter had gotten one so that he could call James, and he wouldn’t stop talking about the convenience of a telephone. Remus and Sirius had been the final holdouts, but then guys at the club kept giving Sirius their number, and he’d caved. Remus finally purchased one because he wanted his friends to be able to call him. The only phone calls he ever received were from his friends, so it was kind of fun to have what amounted to a private line for Hogwarts friends. The only mystery was in which of his friends was calling

“Hello?” said Remus.

“Hey, it’s me,” said Sirius. 

Remus stiffened, suddenly self-conscious about his clubbing outfit. “Oh, hello.”

“Do you want to go out tonight? It’s been a few weeks and I’m itching to get back out there.”

“Oh, erm, not tonight,” said Remus, searching for a valid excuse. “I’m not really feeling up to it, I’m afraid. I’m, erm, not feeling well.”

“Oh,” said Sirius, and he sounded genuinely disappointed. But Remus supposed he was just putting that on to make up for how he’d behaved the last time they went out. “Well, I guess...maybe I’ll go out on my own?”

“You could do that,” said Remus. Then he suddenly realized they could easily run into each other at the club and Sirius would discover his lie. “Which club?”

“Probably Glitter,” said Sirius. “I have glitter on my eyelids right now, so it seems fitting.”

“Wait. You mean you’re ready to go? You’re finished with your makeup and everything?”

“That’s right. After the dressing down you gave me last time, I wanted to actually be on time.”

Remus’ resolve was strong, but it was almost not strong enough. The fact that Sirius had gone to the trouble of preparing in advance so he’d be ready on time was a huge gesture. It meant a lot, to be sure, but Remus reminded himself of his goal for the evening. He wanted to step into a club on his own, spend time there by himself, and leave with at least one phone number. He couldn’t do this if he accepted Sirius’ invitation.

“Wow,” he said. “That’s...I really appreciate the gesture. But I’m sorry, Sirius, I’m just not feeling up to it tonight.”

“Of course,” said Sirius. “I guess the full moon is soon and everything. I mean, I understand if you’re not feeling well.”

“Thanks,” said Remus. “Listen, I hope you have a good time tonight. I’m sure you’ll get lots of numbers without me there holding you back.”

“Right,” said Sirius. “Lots of numbers. Erm, I guess I should go, then. See you next weekend?”

“Of course, I’m sure I’ll be feeling better by then.”

After Remus hung up, he couldn’t get Sirius’ disappointed tone out of his mind. It seemed absurd to even think about, but he’d sounded genuinely sad that Remus wouldn’t be accompanying him to the club. There’d been so many times that Sirius clearly could have gone home with someone amazingly attractive, but he’d turned down the invitation because he was with Remus. No matter how sad Sirius sounded, Remus was confident he’d have a better time without him. 

With his mind at ease, Remus set out for Dance, a club on the opposite side of London from Glitter. He wanted to make sure he and Sirius didn’t run into each other. Dance also had the advantage of being a wizarding club. Although he and Sirius often enjoyed muggle clubs, Remus felt that he had enough to hide, what with the werewolf thing.

Everyone behaved themselves while waiting to get into the club, but a magical playground existed beyond the club’s doors. Sparks regularly flew into the air from the mass of dancing men, and many guys bewitched their Bowie-esque makeup to flash and change color. Remus felt comfortable in the Muggle world, but it was much easier to exist among wizards, especially when he was already making himself vulnerable by being here.

Luckily, Remus didn’t have to be coaxed onto the dance floor -- “Open Your Heart” by Madonna was playing when he entered. With a flick of his wand, he shrunk down his overcoat so that it would fit into his pocket and slid into an open spot in the bouncing, joyous crowd. At first, he didn’t try to catch anyone’s eye. He simply enjoyed the music, only faltering slightly when “Don’t Stop Me Now,” one of Sirius’ favorites, came up in the playlist. 

Halfway through “Karma Chameleon,” Remus felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a man with auburn hair and stunning blue eyes dancing beside him, grinning at him. 

“Hi, I’m George,” said the man. His smile was disarmingly charming, and Remus couldn’t believe that this man had approached him. 

“Remus,” he replied. He almost stuck out his hand, but a voice in his head that sounded like Sirius told him not to be so stodgy. 

The music was too loud for anything more than introductions, so the two men simply danced together. Remus tried to banish his nerves, telling himself that this was just a dance, a chance encounter in a club. But then “Careless Whisper” began playing and George moved closer, looping his arms around Remus’ neck.

“I was admiring your dance skills,” said George. “And I knew that if I didn’t come and talk to you, someone else would beat me to it.”

Remus gulped, butterflies blooming in his stomach as the rest of his body registered just how close George was. He tried to adopt the guise of someone else, someone who knew how to do this. “I’m glad you did, I was getting tired of dancing on my own.”

“Oh, but you do it so well,” said George, smirking at him. 

“That’s nice of you to say,” said Remus, ducking his head down. He couldn’t keep up the suave mystique. That sort of thing was Sirius’ forte, not his. 

“I almost didn’t come out tonight, but I’m glad now that I did,” said George. “It was either this or stay in with the new Bukowski.”

Remus smiled at him. “You read Muggle books?”

George nodded. “My friends all think I’m crazy, but wizards just don’t do fiction well.”

“God, I know,” said Remus. “Sometimes I want to read a story that doesn’t involve magic or folklore or some kind. I grew up on Muggle picture books, and I just sort of took it from there once my mum got me a library card.”

“Me too,” said George. “My dad’s a Muggle, so I spent a lot of time perusing his personal library.”

Remus nodded. “Books were never mentioned as a career path at Hogwarts, but I’ve been copyediting magical textbooks for the past couple of years.”

“Really?” said George. “Tell me more.”

By the time he got back home that evening, Remus had a date for the following Friday.

******************************

On Friday, Sirius showed up to James and Lily’s house in Godric’s Hollow with a bottle of wine in hand. Once every month or so, the old friends tried to arrange a dinner so they could get together and catch up on their lives. Sirius cherished these evenings; for him, they were more like family dinners than anything else.

“Hey, Padfoot,” said James, greeting Sirius with a warm, welcoming hug. “Glad you could make it.”

“Of course,” said Sirius, slipping off his leather jacket. “Can I use your powder room, mate?”

“You know the way,” said James. He took Sirius’ jacket and hung it in the hallway closet. If he could go back in time and tell his fifteen-year-old self that he’d one day be having friends over to his house and hanging things in hallway closets, that boy would have laughed at him. 

Lily emerged from the kitchen, a smudge of flour on her cheek. “Is Sirius here?”

“He just showed up, he’s in the powder room,” said James. “Everything going well in the kitchen?”

“Shepherd’s Pie is in the oven,” said Lily. She rubbed at her cheek and frowned when she felt the flour. “We’re just waiting on Peter.”

“What do you mean? Remus isn’t here yet,” said James. 

Lily smiled knowingly at him. “Remus is on a date tonight. We had lunch today and he told me all about it.”

“What?” said James, very loudly, and then remembered that the powder room was just steps away from where they stood. “Is he...did he and Sirius break up?”

“Sweetheart, they’re not dating. They’ve never been together.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me, of course they’re dating.”

Lily folded her arms over her chest. “I regularly have lunch with Remus, and he’s never mentioned them dating. I think he would have told me if they were dating.”

James planted his hands on his hips and smirked at her. “I’ve been best friends with Remus since we were eleven bloody years old, I think I know him pretty well.”

“Oh, and you can just tell that they’re dating? Just from observing them?”

“Sure,” said James, shrugging. “It’s obvious. Perhaps they’ve just had a fight and Remus is sowing his wild oats. I’m sure they’ll get back together.”

Sirius stepped out of the powder room and James jumped a full three feet in the air.

“We can’t get back together because we were never together to begin with,” said Sirius.

“Told you,” said Lily, and then strode back into the kitchen. 

“Oh, come off it,” said James, trying to sound indignant when his heart was threatening to leap out of his chest. “You’ve been together since we left Hogwarts.”

Sirius shook his head. “You’re living in a dream world, mate. Remus and I are not a couple. Never have been.”

“That’s such utter bollocks. I’ve seen the two of you make eyes at each other,” said James. “Speaking as a married man, I think I know a relationship when I see one.”

“Speaking as the woman you attempted to woo for many years,” said Lily, from the kitchen. “I find that hard to believe.”

“Oh, come on,” said James. “The wooing worked eventually.”

Sirius grabbed James’ arm. “Hey, mate, did Lily just say that Remus is on a date tonight?”

“Yeah,” said James, wincing. “Did you not know? Are you okay?”

Sirius chuckled and tried to play it off, but James could tell something was wrong. “I’m fine. It’s about time he got out there, you know?”

James studied him for a moment, and then shook his head. “I really...I would have sworn the two of you were dating. Don’t you spend a lot of weekends together? I’m not just imagining that, right?”

“I mean, we do go to the clubs together,” said Sirius, rubbing the back of his neck. “That doesn’t mean we’re dating, though. We’re...we’re just friends.”

***************************

As Remus was unlocking the door to his flat, he could hear his telephone ringing inside. It had been a few days since his date with George, and he was hoping for a call from him. In addition to enjoying Muggle books, George was a proponent of Muggle technology like telephones. He and Remus had exchanged numbers at the end of their date, as well as a pleasant bit of kissing. Remus hurried inside, dumped his grocery bags on the kitchen table, and lunged for the receiver.

“Hello?” he said, trying to catch his breath. 

“Hey, it’s me.”

Remus was shocked to hear Sirius’ voice. They hadn’t spoken since before Remus’ solo night at the club, and Remus hadn’t told him about his date.

“Hey, how’s it going?” he said, trying to sound casual.

“Not bad,” said Sirius. “Listen, I was just wondering how your date went.”

Remus froze. The marauder get-together dinner. Sirius must have heard about his date there. He had two choices -- he could either apologize for not telling Sirius and beg for forgiveness, or he could treat it like it wasn’t important news. He opted for the latter.

“Oh, it went pretty well,” he said, keeping his voice light. “Erm, his name is George, and he reads Muggle books as well. It was...we had a nice conversation.”

“Nice conversation, eh?” said Sirius. He sounded tense. “That’s got to be code for something else.”

“No, honestly,” said Remus, his face feeling hot. “It was just a nice, simple date.”

“Think you’ll have more?”

“Erm, perhaps?” said Remus. “It’s hard to say right now, but I was going to ask him out again for next weekend.”

“Huh,” said Sirius. “Guess we won’t be heading to the clubs again anytime soon, then.”

Fuck, Remus thought. Sirius sounded upset. He’d really hoped to keep this business about George and his solo clubbing adventure to himself for a little while longer. Now that the beans were spilled, Remus had to try to placate Sirius, as he had done so many times before.

“Listen,” he said, searching for the Muggle newspaper on his messy kitchen counter. “I think Sid and Nancy is still playing at the cinema. You interested?”

Sirius grumbled indistinctly over the phone and Remus could just picture him rolling his eyes and being all dramatic. The image made him smile and wish that they were talking in person instead. 

“I suppose,” he said, finally. “Tonight?”

Remus glanced at his watch. “Erm, yeah, sure, tonight.”

They talked for a few more minutes, mostly just to arrange which cinema they’d meet up at, and which time worked best. When they hung up, Remus felt wrongfooted. Something felt off about his date, about George, about how Sirius had sounded on the phone. He didn’t know why he’d kept the date from Sirius, or even why he hadn’t told him he wanted to go to the club on his own. If they were friends, couldn’t they share these things with each other?

Remus ate a hurried supper and set out for the cinema, unsure of how Sirius would behave that evening.

********************************

“He was completely horrible,” said Remus. “It was like seeing a film with a sulky child.”

“Isn’t that just Sirius, though?” said Lily, cutting her sandwich in half. “I mean, he’s dramatic. That’s just his personality.”

“Sure, but he usually has a reason for it, or some sort of impetus” said Remus. “I can’t see the reason this time.”

Remus had been so baffled by Sirius’ behavior during their movie night that he was desperate for some analysis and advice the next day. For this purpose, Lily was the only one he could possibly have lunch with. When he’d told her it was an emergency, Lily had cancelled her existing lunch date and told him to meet her at a restaurant near the Ministry that afternoon. 

Lily took a bite of her sandwich and chewed slowly, keeping Remus in suspense. Finally, she swallowed and said, “You know, I think it might be because of your date.”

“What?” said Remus, frowning. “That doesn’t make any sense. I mean, he was stroppy on the phone when I told him about George, but why? What reason could he have for not wanting me to date? Does he think he controls me because we’re such close friends?”

Lily set down her sandwich and reached across the table to touch Remus’ hand. “I know this will sound insane, but I want you to consider the possibility that Sirius is in love with you.”

“What the bloody hell are you talking about?” said Remus.

“I know, I know,” said Lily, patting his hand. “The other night, when everyone was around at our place, Sirius caught wind of your date. James thought the two of you were dating, and he was all annoyed on Sirius’ behalf. But then Sirius told us you’d never been together, and he seemed sort of...I dunno, sad?”

“Oh,” said Remus. “James thought we’ve been dating?”

Lily nodded. “He said he thought you’d been dating since we all left Hogwarts. But honestly that’s just James’ lack of any romantic intuition.”

“Well, certainly, I wouldn’t trust his judgment on this,” said Remus. “No offense.”

“None taken,” said Lily. “The thing is, I can kind of see where he’s coming from.”

“Oh, not you too,” said Remus. “First Peter tells me that guys at the club are probably assuming Sirius and I are together. Then James apparently has thought this for a while. Now you?”

“Well, at first I thought it was completely ridiculous,” said Lily. “But the more I think about, the easier it is to believe. 

“Are you suggesting that I’ve been dating Sirius without even knowing it?”

“Well, no, of course not. But is it so inconceivable to think that Sirius has harbored feelings for you since school?”

“I think it’s absurd,” said Remus. “Whenever we’re at the club, he’s always exchanging bedroom eyes with other guys. He couldn’t possibly be interested in me.”

“Maybe that’s all for show,” said Lily. “Has he ever gone home with any of these men?”

Remus thought about this and realized he couldn’t recall even one time Sirius had left the club with anyone but him. He’d just assumed that Sirius had taken their phone numbers and called them later for a roll in the hay. He shook his head at Lily, feeling lost for words.

Lily shrugged and took a sip of her tea. “Give it some thought, Remus. You’re out with him most weekends, you haven’t made advances on anyone else until now...just think about it.”

*******************************

Remus did think about it. One of his greatest talents was overthinking, and the old brain was out in full force that evening as he tried to read before bed.

Sirius was one of his oldest friends, so there was a lot of shared history to sift through. When James and Lily had started getting serious about their relationship, Remus and Sirius had naturally drifted together. Sirius, having come out in their fifth year and been disowned for it, was the reason Remus began to examine his own sexuality. When he’d come out, they became even closer, and they ended up spending many weekends together.

In many ways, Sirius had showed Remus how to go out to clubs, but now he was realizing that Sirius had never showed him how to pick up guys. Perhaps this was a subtle clue to Sirius’ interest in him. Now, after hearing all of his friends’ assumptions, everything seemed like a subtle clue. 

Remus thought back to all the times they’d shared together, the times when it hadn’t even crossed Remus’ mind that other people in the club might be looking at them. Perhaps those people had seen something that he hadn’t. Perhaps they knew more about his own feelings than he did.

Questions ran through his head and, eventually, Remus found he’d been reading the same sentence for fifteen minutes. He clapped his book shut, pulled his overcoat on over his pajamas, and stormed out his front door. It was pissing down with rain, but Remus couldn’t set this right in his mind, or between him and Sirius, without talking to Sirius himself. No more intermediaries, no more avoidance. 

However, he did double back after walking a block so that he could retrieve an umbrella.

By the time Remus reached Sirius’ flat, he was out of breath and had no idea what he wanted to say first. Still he barrelled forward and knocked on the door, feeling butterflies in his stomach and jitters knocking about his knees. When Sirius opened his door, Remus was hit with such a palpable feeling of love and familiarity that he wondered why he’d never noticed it before. It was different from how he felt when he saw Peter, James, or Lily. There was something extra mixed in, and suddenly he knew what it was.

“Hello,” said Sirius, clearly confused.

“Hi,” said Remus, the weight of his own realization nearly knocking him on his backside. “How are you?”

Sirius smirked and leaned against the door. “I’m fine, I suppose. Just a bit confused about why you’re here, leaving a puddle on my doorstep, on a Thursday evening.”

“Erm,” said Remus. “I think I’ve realized something, and I think I’ve been a complete dick.”

“No you haven’t,” said Sirius, shaking his head. “I’m the one who’s been a dick. I...I’ve made some assumptions that I shouldn’t have made.”

“Yes, but I think I’ve been leading you on,” said Remus. “I’ve been letting you believe those assumptions are true.”

“Now I know they’re not,” said Sirius, shrugging. “Listen, Remus, I’m glad you’ve found George, and I hope the two of you are happy together.”

To Remus’ horror, Sirius stepped inside and began closing his door. Remus lunged forward and placed himself in the gap so Sirius couldn’t push the door any further.

“Wait,” said Remus. “Please. I’m going to step away now because I don’t want to get your carpets wet, but please don’t close the door.”

Reluctantly, Sirius pulled the door open again and Remus stepped outside. 

“Your assumptions were true,” he said. “I’ve just been too stupid to see that for myself. Are you completely pissed off at me?”

Sirius pushed his hair off his face and chuckled. “Not possible, unfortunately. Can’t get mad at you. Listen, you’re so bloody hard to talk to sometimes. You natter on about being late or how upset you are about the latest book by who’s-his-face and I could never find the right moment to talk to you about this.”

“Can this be the moment?” said Remus. 

“Yes, this can be the moment.”

“Can I kiss you first?”

“I wish you would.”

Remus was finished being hesitant. He grabbed Sirius by the t-shirt and pulled him out into the rain, pressing their lips together. The rain was pounding the pavement, but Remus thought he heard Sirius make a soft sound of relief or surrender. He threaded his fingers through Sirius’ hair, amazed at how soft it was. They had so many things to discover about each other, and they had all the time in the world. 

When they broke apart, Sirius was laughing and there was rain on his cheeks. Remus had never seen anything so beautiful, and he marveled at the fact that Sirius had been in front of him this whole time. He’d been too foolish to realize that what he yearned for had already been there for so many years.

“You arsehole,” said Sirius, kissing him again. “You have the fucking audacity to scold me for being late, when I’ve been waiting for you for literal years.”

Remus blushed and leaned his head against Sirius’. “Oh, my God. Well. It appears that you like me even though I’m very, very late.”

“Oh, it’s far beyond liking,” said Sirius.

Remus and Sirius had never spent a Thursday evening together before, but Remus hoped this was the first of many. Once Remus had shrugged off his overcoat and left his wet shoes by the door, they settled into Sirius’ overstuffed sofa and had a long chat about all of the things that had gone unsaid between them for years.


End file.
